Tired by idiot users or friends who calls you to ask dummy questions?
Seen on the SpamAssassin mailinglist:
Dear End User,
While you may think it is ok to call a person in the computer industry at home for help, it drives us crazy. Let me try to put it in terms you might understand.
Try this and see what happens:
1) Call your friend who is a mechanic at home, at dinner time.
2) Tell him your car is not running right, or won’t even start.
3) Tell him you saw a neon sign while driving that said your car wasn’t running right, so you pulled in and let these strangers install:
Pot hole blockers
A special radio station
An engine watcher
4) Ask them if they mind talking you thru figuring out why the car won’t run. Optional: Laugh really loud and say “I know nothing about these complicated machines.”, because they love to hear that!
5) Tell him you have no tools.
6a) When he asks you to open the hood and have a look, ask him “Where is the hood?” Optional: Tell them your cousin tried doing “something” to fix it, but you don’t know what it was, and the problem is worse now.
6b) While looking at the engine, read them the very long serial numbers of the parts. Because mechanics have them all memorized for all cars.
6c) Always keep asking if you should turn things, “Left or Right?”
6d) Ask them if they see the part near the other part. Because they can see thru the phone.
6e) Ask then if the problem has anything to do with the new garage door you installed.
7) After they patiently talk you thru checking for “Fuel and Fire”, and it still doesn’t work, ask them if they can drive 30+ minutes to your home on their day off and come fix it. Optional: Whine about how much you need your car.
8) Have them do all this for just a “Thank you.”
9) Pretend to understand when they say not to believe neon signs saying your car isn’t running right. Just smile when they say you need to regularly schedule maintenance on your car, and to use only well known mechanics.
10) Repeat the whole process every 60-90 days. Optional: Call from your family members house because you tried to fix theirs and you messed up their cars now. Optioanl2: Tell your friends about us, have them call to have their car problems fixed as well.
Does that help you understand what tech people go thru? No?
Call a plumber to talk you thru installing a water heater at 10PM?
Call a lawyer to talk you thru defending yourself on a murder charge on a Saturday morning? Call a doctor to help you get rid of that “burning feeling” during dinner?
Understand yet? No?
While we love technology, we HATE phone support. Nothing aggravates a tech person more then trying to solve a problem over the phone.
Tech people have lives as well. There are things we would like to do after working on computer problems all day then to do phone support during some of the very little time we have to ourselves or our own family.
We are not tech whores. If we help, buy us something small, a video game, a bottle of wine, or dinner. Hell if you’re a mechanic, fix our car!
I’m sorry end user, but you needed to learn what you are doing isn’t right. Think before you pick up that phone.