It’s once again time to review the winners of the annual
Stella awards.
The Stellas are named after 81 year old Stella Liebeck who spilled coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonald’s. That case inspired the Stella Awards for the most frivolous successful lawsuits in the United States. Unfortunately the most recent lawsuit implicating McDonald’s, the teens who allege that eating at McDonald’s has made them fat, was filed after the 2002 award voting was closed. This suit will top the 2003 awards list without question.
5th Place (Tied) – Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded $780,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving toddler was Ms Robertson’s Son.
5th Place (Tied) – 19 year old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda
Accord.Mr. Truman apparently did not notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal the hubcaps.
5th Place (Tied) – Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was leaving a house he had just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the garage door to go up since the automatic door opener was malfunctioning. He could not re-enter the house because the door connecting the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation and Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the garage for 8 days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found and a large bag of dry dog food. He sued the homeowner’s insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The Jury agreed to the tune of $500,000.
4th Place – Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas, was awarded $14,500
and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door
neighbor’s Beagle dog. The Beagle was on a chain in its owner’s fenced
yard. The award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog might
have been a little provoked at the time as Mr. Williams who had climbed
over the fence into the yard was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.
3rd Place – A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of
Lancaster, Pennsylvania, $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink and
broke her coccyx (tailbone). The beverage was on the floor because Ms.
Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an
argument.
2nd Place – Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware, sued the owner of a Night
Club in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the
floor and knocked out two of her front teeth. This occurred whilst Ms.
Walton was trying to sneak out of the window in the Ladies Room to avoid
paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental
expenses.
1st Place – This year’s runaway winner was Mr. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Mr. Grazinski purchased a brand new Winnebago Motor Home. On his trip home from an OU football game, having driven onto the Freeway, he set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the drivers seat to go into the back and make himself a cup of coffee. Not surprisingly the RV left the Freeway, crashed and overturned. Mr. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not dvising him in the owner’s manual that he could not actually do this. The jury awarded him $1,750,000 plus a new Winnebago Motor Home. The company actually changed their manuals on the basis of this suit just in case there were any other
complete morons buying their recreation vehicles.